Letters to Freshmen

I often write letters to students I see on campus, and to mine. I don't send these, obviously, but they're a wonderful way to vent.

Dear young "lady" at the bus stop on campus,
I know its hard to be a 19 year old girl. All the questions (Does he like you? Should you sleep with him anyway? Are you a slut? What are you going to major in? Can you change the world? Who's buying you beer tonight?) can be overwhelming, and trying to define your style is really a huge part of defining the woman you will become. However, it is REALLY COLD outside in February (which I know that you know because your top half is covered with a puffy jacket complete with fur-lined hood), and the denim miniskirt will cause your lady parts to freeze off (which I guess will take care of the "Should you sleep with him" question). Oh, and those leggings? I would say that they might keep you warmer, if they weren't black lace, and if your skirt wasn't short enough that I could see the "panty" part of them. Add to your ensemble the black patent leather pointy-toed stilletos, and the fact that you're waiting for the shuttle to your dorm and have obviously just come from some class with a hot male professor, and sweety, you look like a really cheap hooker from the 80s. A cheap hooker in danger of hypothermia. Put some clothes on.
With love,
RK

Dear students,
When the author of an essay is African American, and writes the essay in the first person, you can assume that he intended for the "narrator" to be read as African American. Why? Because essays are "non-fiction." He does not "change to white" in the second part of the essay to identify with a wider audience. This is not a short story (which is fiction, and in which we don't assume the author is the narrator, so if this were the Literature course you took LAST semester, you'd be on the money). This is an essay, written about one man's personal experience. Please don't demean that experience, or try to make yourself more comfortable by pretending that he's writing fiction and that the character can be white if you want him to be.
Seriously questioning my commitment to the field,
RK